And I have tried to sit you down and take the fall, to look you in the eye and tell you it all. I fail.

I have, especially in the last year or so, become somewhat of a hermit. I will be the first to admit that this was my own decision, but I feel that my reasoning behind it makes total sense. For a very long time, I have felt that people simply do not give a shit about what I have to say. This blog is a perfect example - the majority of the time I come here to rant and rave and basically share things with, well, myself. My life outside the internet is the same way. I try to have conversations with people or share something that is bothering me and what ends up happening is: I get no reception, some sort of lecture, or my words are misconstrued to the point where I have to just stop talking. It leaves me anxious and frustrated and pretty depressed. So, after attempting to let people know what's on my mind and time and again only to feel worse about it after than I did before, I closed myself off. I bottle things up. And for this reason I fixate on things that are bothering me and tend to bitch about mundane things. It is my coping mechanism. I tend to obsess about things to the point that I make myself sick, because I don't think I can tell people how I really feel. It is not my intention to make people feel sorry for me, or to place blame on others for the fact that I'm struggling, or to offend the people who have tried to help. I just want to say that this is how I feel.

I do not intend for this to be a place where I come and "talk" about how badly things are going in my life, because, to be honest, my life is pretty good. There are just certain things that really get to me every once in a while that make me feel totally out of control and longing for some interaction.